Who Do You Run To?

There is a popular band from the 70’s and 80’s by the name of Heart. One of their biggest hits is “Who do you run to?” The song tells a story of a woman being left by someone she deeply loves and she’s asking him, who is going to be there for you?

Who will you run to when it all falls down?
Who's gonna pick your world up off from the ground?
Who's gonna take away the tears you cry?
Who's gonna love you baby as good as I?

This tune and the lyrics ring through my head often, when I am down, lost, and hurting. Years of our lives can be spent running to the wrong things to pick us up. Alcohol or other drugs, men or women, or friends. Many times, we just plain old run away.

The things we run to for help always feel like the savior we are looking for initially. The man holds promise of a safer future and stability we couldn’t (wouldn’t) provide for ourselves. The alcohol or other drugs help us forget all the hurts and fears we are suffering. The friends seem to really care about us, and we think they have our back.

For me, eventually all those things failed me. Men cheated, hurt me, or left me. Or perhaps they weren’t interested in carrying me as much as I was asking them to and refused to do so.  Friends in fact did not have my back like I thought they did. They sometimes even stabbed me in the back. At other times, good friends were unavailable or not willing to put in the amount of energy I was demanding of them. And then the alcohol, that did me the dirtiest of all. It stopped working for me and started working against me. It turned into something I needed rescue from.

Oh, how many nights did I lay awake begging for help, “Please!” I wanted relief and safety so badly and it seemed I couldn’t find it anywhere, in anyone. Who would dry the tears I cried? No one, it seemed. All the things I grasped at for help escaped like water poured through my clasped hands.

One particularly lonesome night as I was crying out for help, God spoke to me. He said, “the kind of healing you are looking for only comes from Jesus.” I didn’t actually hear him, but I felt him, and “knew” this message to be true. I hadn’t ever wanted Jesus to be the answer, I fought against Jesus for a very long time. What happened as a result of this message is a process and story for another day. Suffice it to say that I eventually did run to Jesus, and I have been running to him ever since. I am not telling you that Jesus must be YOUR savior. I am only saying that we all need a savior. We all have to determine whether our saviors are working for us.

In everyone’s life, a bottom will be hit. Probably not just one, but many, repeatedly and maybe even often. Our worlds do crumble and fall down. No one is strong enough to make it through every situation in life all alone. We need help.

Who (or what) do you run to during these bottoms? Is this person/substance/process helpful? Is this person/substance/process saving you? The condition of your life will be reflective of what or who your savior is. Is your tree of life bearing fruit? Or is it desolate? Better question yet, how well is your soul?

Is who you are running to loving you “good”? Here are some questions to ask that can act as your barometer to determine if you are being loved good by this person/substance/process. This will help you to determine if you are running to the right source for help.

Are you being treated with patience and kindness? (1 Corinthians13:4-5) Do you feel rushed or pressured in the relationship? Is there sarcasm, harsh cruel words, or actions?

Are you being physically hurt? (Romans 13:10) What is the condition of your body and your health?

Is the relationship full of destructive conflict? (Proverbs 10:12) Conflict isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes conflict happens in the case of constructive criticism. For example, when someone is asking us to change something about ourselves that we didn’t realize wasn’t a helpful personality trait. We may not want to change at first. Our ego’s fire up and can cause us to argue with our loved one. In time, we calm down and make positive changes for ourselves, and our relationship. However, sometimes conflict occurs when someone is selfish and self-centered and speaks harshly and critically to us. This destroys love, respect, and the relationship trust. Sometimes it can even destroy our mental, spiritual, or physical health. Other destructive conflict can happen when we are being driven to use a substance that is costing us too much physically, mentally, or financially.

Are you being honored? (Romans 12:10) How do you feel about yourself as a direct result of being with person/substance/process?

Is this person (or thing) demonstrating love by action or truth, or just by empty words? (1 John 3:18) Take a look at what happens after spending time with the person/substance/process. Is the result what was promised? Is the person bringing good things into your life like they said they would, or are they leaving you lonely, beaten up, scared and bruised? Did the process or substance offer a promise of excitement and glamor and then leave you broken, empty, sick, and embarrassed?

Is there humility, gentleness, and patience in your relationship with this person or thing? (Ephesians 4:2-3) Or is their humiliation, roughness, and irritability in the relationship with the person/process/substance?

Has this person/substance/process died for you? (John 15:13) Or instead, are you the one doing the dying?

These are all the ways God says you should love and be loved. The bible tells us that God IS love. Can you imagine being so fully loved? Being treated with patience, kindness, humility, gentleness, and honor? Being loved by someone who will never lie to you? Never leave you with an empty promise? Someone is accessible to you day and night? Someone who is going to love you as good as this.  

Be sure that you are running to a power that is capable of loving you and saving you. I feel that God is asking each of us “who is going to love you as good as I?” And that answer for me, has absolutely been no one but Him.

 Please contact Tracy Kiesler at freedomtobecoach.com for more information or to schedule a coaching call.